Can you?

It was kinda funny for me to read an article about long distance relationship. Yeah, does it applicable on me?!
I tried not to think about it.
I tried not to say anything.
I tried not to disturb you.
But I can't.
There was a part in the article, which i really agreed on:
" Trust is very important in long distance relationship, and that makes the relationship beautiful..."
Yeah! I agreed! I USED to be very confident on it.
I trust you all the time.
But since the day you've decided to leave me, TRUST, seemed to be so far away from me.
And if TRUST doesn't exist in the relationship, what would it be?!
I trusted you, and until now, I'm still telling myself that I trust you. Yeah, in fact, I do believe in you.
But you've ruined everything.
Do you know that, it hurts me?!
You asked me : " Why you down so much?"
I'm not down... I'm feeling insecure..
Do you get what i'm trying to say here?
I still remember every words that you've told me before and now..
But you acted differently..
Which one should i believe to?
Can you tell me the truth?
Soon, I'll be a 23 year-old guy..
I really hope that, this year, I can get something from you...
I never asked anything from you, but this year, i hope i can get it from you...
A promise.
Can you do that for me?

Here is the article:

WHY DO YOU PREFER LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?

They're stronger. They mean a lot more. Well to me that is, I mean think about it. Trust is the biggest thing in a relationship. If you can trust someone who lives hundreds of miles away, then that's beautiful. Sure you don't get to hug the person, kiss the person, wake up next to the person, but you get to talk to them, hear them. Think about how amazing it's going to be when you finally get to meet them. And how perfect it's gonna be. You fight less. You laugh more. They're beautiful. And I respect anyone who is in one. They're hard, they're harder than a lot of things, but they're worth it in the end. Why let distance ruin your feelings for someone? Feelings are feelings, love is love, that's not gonna change. I love long distance relationship for a lot of reasons. But mostly because they're beautiful.

We're beautiful. Do you know that?

我们的关系。

如果，一段关系，失去了信任；
如果，一段关系，失去了信心；
那么，这一段关系，还能持久吗？

我醒了。
就在那一瞬间，我醒了。
原来，我们的关系，并不曾存在过。

或许，我只是你的避风港。
但是，也只是当你遇到狂风暴雨的时候，你才会出现。
雨停了，风也停了；
你也走了。

我们的关系，其实就是这样。

当”肯定“不再出现。

很久没有来这儿了。
很忙吗？
可以说是，也可以说不是。
此刻，我只能对关心我的朋友说，没错，现在的我，真的是很糟糕！除了以“糟糕”这两个字来形容我此时的生活，我再也不懂如何去表达这一切。


生活上，我迷失了自己。“迷失”是很虚幻的。然而，我的确，迷失了方向。

学业上，我想，我真的遇到瓶颈了。这一年，真的是发生太多事情了。而这些事情，并没有让我成长；它们只是一直在戏弄我的自信心。曾经，我是一个很有抱负，很不顾一切的人，为了这一切我可以说是不择手段。然而，我是有自信的。可是呢，现在的我，真的如一堆野草，是那种人家看了都会踩得。不管我有多么大的抱负，多么的需求，此刻的我，已经没有了自己了。也没有了所谓的“自信心”。

爱情上，我想，这两年可以说是很戏剧化吧！没错，你在偶像剧或爱情电影里说看到的一切，我都经历过了，甚至比他们更“戏剧化”。朋友都说，我可以出书了。或许，比“那一年我们追过的女孩”还要好看呢！曾经的我，是多么的孩子气；然而，现在的我，连要说出自己的想法或能内心话，比登天还要难了！我想，是报应吧！以前，你怎样对待别人；现在，别人就会这样对待你。

你可以说，我是个完美主义者。但是，这并不是我想要的。
我要的生活，其实真的如此简单。可是，我并不能够是如此的一个人。
此时的我，就如一个废人，可有，也可无。
不管曾经的我，是多么的有抱负；就在瞬间，我失去了曾经的我。我没有了那个勇气，也没有了那个前进的力量。有的，却只有彷徨，害怕，无奈。
对于你，我应该要开心的。因为，我看到了变化。然而，这些变化，对我而已，是那么真实的，却也是那么虚无的。
我需要的是一个肯定。我看不到所谓的“肯定”。

一个小小的“肯定”，不管再累再苦，我都可以撑过去。因为，我有了你的肯定！你可以说我是自私的；也可以说是贪婪的人；但是，就这么的一个肯定，你也不能给我吗？

我只是需要这些。
就是这样而已。
但是，你都不会这道的。
没有人会知道，肯定，对我来说，是多么的重要。

我失去了肯定。
我失去了自信。
我失去了自我。
而我，也失去了“张嘉皓”。

烦？！

其实，对你来说，我是不是一个很烦的人？
一切都是如此清楚明白，然而，我却还是那么烦。
你应该觉得很烦恼吧？！
开始厌倦和我说话，甚至了解我吧？
明白了。

Am I a fool?

There's always a question in my mind, not for anyone but for myself.
"Am i a fool?"

Sometimes i do think that i'm a fool, played around by people.
But was it all my faults?!
I didn't do anything to make you all fooled me, or maybe, i'm the one fooling myself.


Started to feel tired of being fooled now.
I'm not a fool, and please, don't ever fool me!

I'm Nothing.

Just in a sudden, i feel that, i'm nothing.
Everyone is doing a good job, with their ideas.
But me?! Nothing.
I was just..Blank.
While others are working together, i'm alone.
I'm not smart.
I'm a guy, but it does not mean that i can do it all by myself.
Who can actually give me encouragement?
I'm too tired to be a great student.
I'm just don't know what to do.
At this moment. I'm nothing.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.
Yes, you are wrong.
I do feel tired. Because i'm just a human, like you.

When i'm wanna put things down,
you came and told me, never give up.

When i'm up to the hills again,
you came and told me, it's not worth for you to do so.

For you, you do know what are you doing and what are the things that you want.
But, have you ever been thinking about me?
To you, who am i?
You'll just do things that you like to do.
But, what about me??!!
Nothing.
A fool?
A clown?

Please, never HOT AND COLD to me.
I don't like it
And please let me know if you aren't there for me.
It's good for you, so that you won't waste your time and no more disturbances from me.
You can just go wherever you want, do things that you like to do.
No more news from me.
Is that what you want?
I can do it, if that's what you want.

I'm tired.